


much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality

by bloodredcherries



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Gen, Minor Alice Cooper/FP Jones II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-11-29 05:37:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18218927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodredcherries/pseuds/bloodredcherries
Summary: Unfortunately, it had recently come to Alice’s attention that she had been neglecting her neighborly duties.As block captain of the neighborhood watch, Alice prided herself on knowing all of the neighbors’ business, and while she agreed that her practically debilitating morning sickness had been for a good cause, it still wounded her that her knowledge of the latest neighborhood disaster had come from Polly, rather than from her own eagle eyes or some light needling of her latest victims over a cup of tea and a friendly smile.





	much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality

The freshly baked chocolate chip muffins had finally cooled enough for Alice to artfully arrange them in a wicker picnic basket, and she did so with gusto, mainly because she was bored out of her mind. 

FP had gone to pick up Jellybean from her mother’s, and the other kids were at school (at least, Alice hoped they all were. She could trust Harold to drop Elizabeth and Margaret off at school during his custody time, but Gladys’s ability to remember to prioritize school for Jughead was always slightly suspect), which had left her to her own devices. She had considered going with FP to get Jellybean, but had quickly discounted the thought as soon as it had left her head. Alice loved her stepchildren, but there was little love in her heart for their mother. It was best for her to love Jughead and Jellybean far away from Gladys’s prying eyes, at least, as much as possible. 

Obviously, there were events where the four of them needed to coexist, but Alice cherished the fact that, thus far, those were far and few between. 

Hal was usually content to attend and could be trusted to exchange social pleasantries with her -- of course, they mostly got along because they still worked together -- it would have gone against his breeding to be openly rude to the mother of his children. And they’d wanted what was best for the girls. Just because their parents weren’t in love anymore didn’t mean that they couldn’t still get along for the sake of their children. It was the right thing to do. 

Gladys on the other hand -- Alice didn’t like her. She thought she was rude, and crass, and she hated how infrequently she bothered to observe the visitation she had demanded in court, but, most importantly, she hated the effect that she had on the kids. It seemed that every time one or both of her children went to her house, they came back completely unmoored. She knew that Gladys tried, and she would never say anything bad about her to Jughead and Jellybean’s faces, but the woman and her behaviors gave her a headache. She knew that part of it was out of jealousy -- FP and Gladys had gotten married because of Jughead, whereas she and FP had gotten married out of love -- but it was still nothing she didn’t mind avoiding. 

Hal had never loved Alice, and Alice had never loved Hal, which had meant that they hadn’t been quite as bitter, when things fell apart. Gladys, on the other hand, had seemed to fall in love with FP. Though he had never cheated on her with Alice, she knew that Gladys still viewed her as the other woman. 

FP had wanted her to come with him, and she knew that Jellybean would be disappointed, but there was the baby to consider as well. It had been a hard road, but she and FP were finally expecting a little one, and, even though things were going as well as could possibly be, and the little critter (clearly FP’s nickname for the baby was rubbing off on her) was happily settled inside of her, and getting more active by the day, she hadn’t wanted to subject either herself or their unborn child to what was sure to be an awkward time. 

Unfortunately, it had recently come to Alice’s attention that she had been neglecting her neighborly duties. 

As block captain of the neighborhood watch, Alice prided herself on knowing all of the neighbors’ business, and while she agreed that her practically debilitating morning sickness had been for a good cause, it still wounded her that her knowledge of the latest neighborhood disaster had come from Polly, rather than from her own eagle eyes or some light needling of her latest victims over a cup of tea and a friendly smile. 

The fact that she had had to hear from Polly about Mary Andrews moving out of the house (and apparently out of the state) rather than from either Elizabeth or Archibald (one of whom lived with her and the other was constantly under her feet, which made sense now that she knew that tantalizing bit about her neighbors’ impending divorce), who had had the most ridiculous excuses for her when she’d demanded an explanation. Archie’s explanation had been explaining to her with a serious expression on his face that Vegas (being a dog) wasn’t allowed to live in Chicago, whilst her own child had told her that she hadn’t thought such knowledge wasn’t worthy of her own mother knowing. 

To say Alice was still annoyed was putting it mildly. 

The neighborly thing to do, of course, was to go next door and offer Fred a listening ear. It was kind and compassionate for Alice to offer him her perspective on the art of a proper divorce, for both Fred and Mary’s sake, and for the sake of young Archibald. 

The muffins? They were a bribe.

Alice knew that chocolate chip muffins were Fred’s favorite. They had been his favorite back in high school when he would bring in his mother’s homemade chocolate chip muffins to school with him to ensure that she and FP ate, and, given that Fred was a simple man, Alice was dubious that his tastes had changed.

Plus, she was pregnant. The little critter had needs. 

The little one had taken after his or her father, at least in eating habits, not that Alice was complaining. She thought it was sweet that their baby was emulating its dad. 

And she and Fred were friends, weren’t they? Sure, they weren’t the closest of acquaintances, but she valued his friendship. It wasn’t right to ignore the fact that he was at home alone during the middle of the day, with nobody to distract him from what had happened.

She adjusted the headband that she had used to pull back her hair and carefully examined her appearance in the full length mirror she had hung by her front door, pleased to see that she looked sane and reasonable, in spite of the fact that she had come home from work early and had a nap on the couch with FP, which had the potential to ruin even the nicest of outfits. There was no excuse to look slovenly. 

She closed the front door behind her and headed to the house next door, unsure of what to expect. She loved Fred, but he was not exactly known for handling changing situations with anything that resembled aplomb. Who knew what he had been up to? Still, she rang the doorbell, and fixed a dazzling smile to her face. 

“Alice?” 

“I thought I would see how you were doing,” she said, as she held out the basket of muffins. “I baked you these.”

Fred looked terrible (not that Alice would admit so out loud), and she brushed past him as she entered the house, not waiting for him to extend an invitation to do so. She had long since realized that those she associated with tended to not have a half clue what was best for them, and that it was for their own self-interests that she behaved in the manner in which she elected to. Alice ruled Elm Street like a dictatorship out of love. It wasn’t her fault that the masses thought things were perhaps draconian. 

Fred followed behind her like a dutiful foot soldier, or, perhaps, a puppy, as she made her way through the downstairs living areas, determined to survey the public areas of the house next door to ensure that she wasn’t sending Elizabeth’s friend home to a house of horrors. Alice had spent her adult years striving to avoid the life that she had been afforded growing up. She didn’t want any of the kids’ friends to fall victim to the same fate. 

“How did you even find out?” Fred asked, his tone filled with disbelief. “Did FP tell you?”

“Polly informed me of this debacle,” she said, her eyes gazing heavenward as he admitted that her own husband had withheld this information from her. She was electing to let that poor choice of FP’s slide. “Did you think that I wouldn’t find out that my next door neighbor had moved out?”

“It’s not for forever,” he said. “She’s going to come back. She wouldn’t leave us.”

“Fred…”

“Don’t Fred me. She has to come back. She knows what Riverdale means to me -- to us.” 

“This was your parents house, wasn’t it?” 

“How did you know that?” 

“It wasn’t that hard to figure out, Fred,” she told him. “I mean, honestly, with all the times that FP would mention wanting a life on Elm Street…, he’d have had to have come up with the idea from somewhere and what better to come up with than his best friend?” She shook her head. “Plus, you’re forgetting that I’ve lived here.” 

Alice wasn’t ashamed of the choices she’d made -- she wasn’t ashamed of marrying Hal and using him as a way to claw herself out of the Southside, even though she had been planning her wedding (while she was trying to forget about her son that she’d given away) while her classmates had been going to proms and going away to college or enlisting -- she had done what she’d needed to do and she’d gotten two kids out of it, and she could either spend her entire life hating herself for what she’d chosen for her life, or she could admit that she’d been imperfect. It was difficult to accept that she was flawed, but, well, there they were. 

“Your mother, before she moved, she taught me things,” she admitted, her expression neutral. “She taught me everything I know, about being a good wife, a good mother, and even though I know that I could do better...she would understand if you wanted to leave Riverdale,” she told him. “She’d get why you would want to escape the house, the...memories.” 

“I don’t have anything that I need to escape here. My dad dying? Alice, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to stay in your hometown. I don’t need to see the world. I’m happy here. It’s Riverdale. It’s a good place to raise a family. Chicago? It’s the murder capital of the world.” 

“Chicago is not the murder capital of the world,” she corrected him, unable to stop herself from rolling her eyes at the ridiculousness of the comment. “I’m just saying, that that is your opinion,” she said. “And, that opinion is perfectly valid. I’m not saying that it isn’t. Not everyone is cut out for a life of milkshakes at Pop’s and movies at the Twilight, Fred.”

“She could have just gotten a job in the city,” he muttered. “What the hell does Chicago have that Archie and I don’t?”

“I don’t know.”

Mary had always had big city dreams -- not that Alice and her now former neighbor were in any way close -- and Alice had been truthfully surprised when the for sale sign on the house next door to her had gone away and Fred and Mary Andrews had moved into the property, their red-headed son in tow. She had known that Fred owned Andrews Construction, of course, but she had assumed that he was a silent partner, per se, to keep the company in the family and the Northside’s business in its portfolio, given that FP was his business partner, and well, Alice knew well how people were. She’d fueled how people were. 

In truth? Alice rarely saw Mary. She knew that their next door neighbors were a family of three, but she saw Archibald first, Fred second, and Mary? Very infrequently, especially when her mother-in-law had made the error in judgement of comparing Mary to Alice. Mrs. Andrews hadn’t known about the history between the women, of course, but the damage to both relationships had been done. 

“You came back.” 

“Columbia was a means to an end,” she said flatly. “You know just as well as I do that I had no choice in the matter of coming back. And Riverdale is a fine place to raise a family. I wanted out of the Southside, and I got what I wanted. Mary has always been different than me, than you.” 

She pursed her lips. Fred looked thinner than normal. She would need to invite him and Archibald over for dinner, no matter how loathsome she found the prospect of her quiet time with FP, and the kids, marred by that fireball of energy. 

“You need to eat,” she said, her tone decisive. “Why don’t we have a muffin together?”

“You don’t have to feed me, Alice,” he muttered. “I’m a full grown man. I can take care of myself.” 

“Can you really, Fred? When was the last time you hadn’t had a meal that wasn’t microwaved?” 

“Fine,” he said, holding his hands up in a gesture of surrender. “I’ll have a muffin with you. I don’t want to talk about Mary, though.” 

“Fine with me,” she said. “We don’t have talk about anything that you don’t want to talk about. Do you have anything in this house that I might be able to eat?” 

“Grocery shopping was Mary’s domain,” he offered, and she scowled darkly at him. “I mean--I didn’t mean it like that, Alice. I just haven’t been in awhile. I...there’s fixings for sandwiches? I really wasn’t expecting company.” 

It took all of her self-restraint (contrary to popular belief, Alice did have some in her wheelhouse) to not rip Fred to shreds, either verbally, or physically, and she drew in a deep breath, and counted to ten, before she dared to speak. “You have a child that relies on you to function like an adult,” she hissed. “And if you ever say something so sexist like that around me again you will be the subject of my next OP-ED.” 

“I’m sorry,” he said. “Very sorry.” 

“Oh, you will be.” Alice drew in a deep breath, and she forced herself to remain calm. It wasn’t good for her, or the baby, to be stressed, and especially not over something that should not have been her problem in the first place. “Where has that mutt of yours wandered off to?” She wrinkled her nose as she replenished said mutt’s kibble, and refilled its water dish. Alice wasn’t overly fond of Vegas, but he still needed sustenance. “When was the last time you bathed?”

“I--I don’t know.” 

“Will you please go take a shower?” Alice was tired. Fred was not the first person on Elm Street that had gotten divorced, and she was doubtful he would be the last. There was no excuse for him abandoning good hygiene just because Mary had left. Had Alice abandoned proper grooming when Hal had abandoned her for that slattern he’d met at the paper? Absolutely not. “I am going to deal with the dog, and finding us something to eat, and you are going to shower, and change. Now.” 

“Can’t I have another muffin?” 

“Fred, I am not kidding here. Do as I say, or I will call your mother.”

“You wouldn’t.” 

“Oh? Wouldn’t I?”

Alice definitely would, and it was clear by the look in Fred’s eyes that he knew she meant what she said. 

“Fine,” he muttered. “I’ll go.” 

 

***

 

There was a fresh pot of coffee brewing in Fred’s newly cleaned coffee pot, and Alice had taken one look at the depressing contents of his fridge and made the executive decision to throw everything that was in the refrigerator out, and had ordered the two of them food from Pop’s. She was sure that Fred would have lived had he eaten the questionably dated items, but as self sacrificing as Alice was, she did not think that she wanted to get food poisoning to spare Fred’s feelings in general, let alone while with child. Far better for her unsuspecting neighbor to treat them both to delivery from the diner. What Fred didn’t know about how their food had gotten paid for didn’t hurt him. 

Alice had located the mutt in Fred’s garage and shepherded him outside, reminding herself that Jellybean loved Vegas, and would not have appreciated her not taking care of him. If the preschooler got wind of Fred having left the dog in the garage, she knew that the result would be unpleasant. 

The general tidying up of the house next door was for Alice’s own sanity. She didn’t want Archibald living in a pigsty. There was no need for that. And an unkempt property brought down Alice’s own property values. Such things were unacceptable to her. 

If she happened to be sat on Fred’s couch patting the mutt, that was merely because she was pregnant, and exhausted, and she didn’t think she could handle telling Jellybean that she had gone over to the Andrewses and not acknowledged Vegas. The poor thing already had to deal with so many disappointing things. Alice was not going to be an additional one.

“Frederick,” she acknowledged, attempting to keep the disappointment from her tone, and failing miserably at doing so. “Let’s not allow this to ever happen again.” 

“Mary left me, though.”

“And you have been having this pity party ever since! It’s been weeks!”

 

“I thought she was kidding,” he muttered. “About wanting to move to Chicago. I didn’t realize she’d actually leave us. Leave me.” 

“Why didn’t you go with her?” Alice questioned, idly stroking Vegas’s ears. “Did she not give you the option?”

“I don’t want to live in Chicago. I want to live here, that’s why when she graduated from law school we started making plans to come back, and when Oscar died I needed to stay to take over the family business, and she just doesn’t get it. She said that she sacrificed to make me happy and I should have been willing to do the same. That Archie would have adjusted to Chicago.”

“Did she? Sacrifice?” 

“I don’t think so,” he said. “If she really wanted to work in a big city law firm, she could just take the Metro North, and not abandon our family.”

“It seems to me that she doesn’t want that,” Alice stressed. “Not everyone wants to spend their entire lives living in the same town, Fred. Not everyone is built like you and I. I’m sorry to tell you this, but it’s the truth. Mary wanting to live someplace different doesn’t make her a bad person. Why didn’t you suggest moving to the city and taking the Metro North?”

“I couldn’t do that.” 

“Why not?” Alice thought it was a fair question. “It’s not that far away from Riverdale, you could commute.” 

“No, Mary had her mind set on moving to Chicago, and I wasn’t going to stand in her way. It wouldn’t have ended how I wanted it to, anyways.” He shrugged. “I just don’t understand why you’re not sympathetic to me.”

“When Hal and I got divorced I did not wallow in my misery for weeks on end,” Alice said, her voice impressively neutral. “I did what I had to do for my children, and for myself. Plus FP needed my help watching Jellybean while he was at work. Part of being an adult is that we cannot dwell in perpetuity about how life has wronged us. If I was going to do that nothing would ever get done.” She shook her head. “I’m sorry that things ended this way between the two of you. But, Fred, take it from me. Sound travels and the sound that traveled over did not sound happy.” 

Alice took a delicate bite from her burger, and Vegas eyed her expectantly, clearly seeking out a morsel of food. “You’re not getting a crumb from me,” Alice informed the dog. “I’m eating for two, here.” 

“How is the baby?” Fred asked, in what Alice sensed was a clear attempt to change the subject, but, as a merciful person, she was willing to let it slide. Talking about the little critter was bound to be less infuriating that trying to couch what she was saying to Fred about his divorce in Fred-friendly terms. She suspected he was being deliberately obtuse. “You look like you’re feeling better.” 

“The baby’s doing well, growing as to be expected,” she told him. “Yes, I’m feeling better. My morning sickness has mostly gone away, I can eat again.” Alice was only nauseated on fleeting occasions, now, and considering she had spent weeks getting violently ill...well, she would take a little nausea. “Hasn’t FP been keeping you updated?”

“Of course he has been,” Fred said. Alice was unsurprised. “He’s been worried about you, you know?”

 

“Yeah, I know,” she said. “Hopefully he won’t have to be worried anymore.” 

“No, lately he’s been excited,” he agreed. “And, I’ve been missing my little helper.” 

“Well, I’ve been feeling better,” Alice allowed. “Jellybean likes to come to work with me. I’m sure that she’ll come visit the construction site soon.” 

In truth, Alice didn’t really love the idea of Jellybean going to work with FP. She thought that the child was too inquisitive and the construction site was too dangerous, and she feared that it was a situation with the potential to lead to disaster. She much preferred bringing her to visit her father at work, where there was one adult present whose sole focus could be on Jellybean, rather than on work, and heavy machinery. 

“You can come over for dinner tonight,” she offered. “Bring Archibald, and Vegas. You’ll be her very best friend.” 

“Are you sure?” Fred asked. 

“Yes, I’m sure,” she said. “The only thing you have to eat in this house is this food, and my muffins. Why would I not want to ensure that you and that child have a healthy meal?” 

“I...I don’t know.”

“Of course you don’t.”


End file.
